The most important thing to keep in mind when trying to get your ex back/saving your relationship is this: You used to be a challenge to your ex. Whether or not you were the one in the relationship with the highest maintenance or not doesn’t matter – everyone who is in a relationship are a challenge at some level, and it is this challenge that creates the sparks necessary to keep a relationship going.
There can be no attraction where there is no friction, and if you’re like most of us, the furthest thing from your mind right now is to try to create friction between you and your ex! As a matter of fact, you’re probably playing it very safe at the present. And therein lies the problem.
Why? Because that makes you a non-challenge to your ex. That is bad because your ex partner is very well aware that if they ask you to come back, you’ll be back in a second. For all effective purposes, you are wrapped around their finger – you have no hand in it. Yet.
Your job is to become a challenge again, by showing your ex that she/he is no more in charge over the destiny of your relationship than when you were together.
Maybe you’ve bought her/him flowers. Or gifts. Or perhaps you have been acting uncharacteristically nice, to make your ex “see what they are missing”.
The signal you’re sending out is a little something like “I’m completely lost without you”. The signal your ex is picking up is more like “I’m completely lost – period”. As you know, no one but no one is attracted to that. You are basically telling your ex that you have low value.
You will only regain their respect when you stop giving away your power. The great news is that you can do that by not communicating directly with him/her – you make yourself exclusive. Think about it – this is precisely what your ex is doing, and I’m sure you’ve noticed the effect it has on you.
Do not call your ex, don’t Facebook, don’t text, don’t e-mail or anything else. If he/she tries to get in touch with you, for now, respond with silence. If you are contacted again and asked why you haven’t responded, tell him/her that you’re taking some time to work on yourself. If she/he pushes the issue, say that you’d rather not talk about it right now. It will drive them nuts. Of course, don’t forget to politely answer any other questions they have – you do not want to come off rude or insensitive.
Be sure to stick to your no communication rule right now. Trying to be his/her friend right now is the quickest way to ruin any chances you have of reconciliation. Doing this will actually make your ex feel good about breaking up, as it sends the signal that “well, they still want to be friends, so this must have been the right decision.”